Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
