dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Randomize
