I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize