I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
