sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I'm too high and old for this...
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
