you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
