there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
