I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
