I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
