You smell like stripper and shame
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
You are a booty call, not a friend.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
