smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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