He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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