dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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