I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
