Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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