Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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