just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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