those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Randomize
