We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
