so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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