Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
