life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
