I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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