I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
