i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
