drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
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