I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
