screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
