I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
