I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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