Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Randomize
