he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
