If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
