I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
