I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
