Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
