i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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