she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
