C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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