I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
