Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
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