Little spoons don't ask big questions
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
