I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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