I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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