so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
