Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
