my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
