A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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