the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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