I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
