Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
