Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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