My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
