my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
