looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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