OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
