i was born a porn star she said
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
So apparently I’m into choking now
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