my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
