Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
