I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
