He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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