I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Randomize
