if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Randomize
