you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
