I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
