dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
