I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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