this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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