You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
